expect,expected,expectation......

what we expect our partner to do ?
what is expected from us? what about their expectation?

  ANSWER:“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine.”

 Thats what BRUCE LEE told the world and that's how i think it should be... we only live once thus be happy with what u have,I hurt someone heart before and till now i never expect her to forgive me,at that point of time, i had a diamond with me yet im searching for pebbles. sometime we EXPECT too much from someone,sometimes we dun EXPECT anything at all. Guys like me dun like girls to expect too much cos trust me, u will be fucking dissapointed.
 I will say i miss u wen i really do and not everyday.
 I will say i love u wen i meant it.
 I will say i need u wen i need it( wink wink wink )

 just dun expect me to say this over and over again or daily.I will say GOOD MORNING to u daily,but not these words. The best relation is -DUN EXPECT ANYTHING AT ALL! cos if your partner loves u - he or she will do the unexpected!!!

命中注定

命中注定



Ming Zhong Zhu Ding this 4 character simply means LIFE IS FATED....Im a true believer in Fate and whatever happens in our life,good or bad is just fated to be.We can try to Run or Ignored but when it happens we have no where to hide.I seen to many of these things happens that i totally resign to it, i seen good guys turn bad cos of circumstances, we hear stories of things that happens and no one can stop it.

Everything that happen in my life,my childhood,my marriage,my career and even my daily routine i believe its fated,Im just being me,the Good,the Bad,the Ugly ME.....i never explained my action to anyone unless i wanted to,I never answer to anyone unless im willing to and i Never talk bout things to anyone unless its really the last resort....IF U UNDERSTAND WHAT I SAY OR DO....I SAY U BE ME!.......

Things happen for a reason and at times even i dunno whats the reason is,One day at a time is the way i live and the way i take things...ppl may say or think i take things for granted,but im just being practical...Those who dunno me or dun understand me...will hate me

.

If tomoro nver comes

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them

Sang by Ronan keating and i wish tomorrow really never comes,I been out the whole night and been thinking the whole time. what have i done? what was I'm thinking?

its my third post for today and this is the only way i can let off my steam.my sorrow.. only 1 person i confide in today and she is the only one who understand .

Firstly, i nver meant to hurt
secondly,i nver meant to treat anyone as a tools
thirdly, i nver meant to make others cry

BUT I'M SORRY, IT ALL HAPPENS.

I really cant face anyone now,I'm ashamed... too ashamed to even meet or even talk on the phone.. I'm just too ashamed of my own behaviour,of my own action.....I'm just a failure and FML for that .....

I be gone

I think the best thing to do now, is to go away. Away from here n away from those I hurt, it's not just 1 heart I broke, but 3 including mine.
I know, im still the one to be blame, but this time I admit it's mine... To both of u that I hurt, I'm sorry once again and I know it's so many time that u heard me say sorry.... But this is the last, I'm hurt too. If I were to dissapear one day... Pls dun look for me , it's time I go away to asked myself.... What I really wanted in life ...

I screw up

Its my fault that I screw up, I'm not blaming anybody regarding the recent Incident. I thought I have luck but I forget luck do runs out. How I wish I can run and hide from u, how I hope I can disappear without a trace of get in to prison and hide GOD I really mean it. I can't explained y I'm doing all this but it happen . I dun deserved any forgiveness from both of u. A man can never love 2 person at the same time,and I admit my mistake . What I wish is for tia to accept my choice n I'm gonna be contented with just that. She is my flesh n blood n have the highest place in my heart. Without me, she won't be here, and without her, I won't be what I am.

2001 she was born and my life change , if not for her , I guess prison is home for me and my wild days will Nver stop. Nobody can understand that but that alone does not justify my action today. I'm sorry ....... Just leave me alone for these couple of days . .. Andri.

Thank u so much

Since i came back... life been a roller coaster,ppl been cruel and work really sucks..CHEF ARE TREATED WITH RESPECT OUTSIDE OF SINGAPORE!

But some ppl stick by me,some ppl stand by me and some even help me stand up on my feet.GOD send me these ppl and yes i thank you so much GOD. I nearly lost my faith but every time i did, u send me a sign , a light or a person to save me.. u send me an ANGEL.

Angel do exist and i now believe it......... An Angel touch my heart and an Angel stand by me,promising to be there for me,promising to love and care and promising to go thru thick and thin......

I wonder y at times,others treat u better than your own. others care for u more than your own, others loves u more than your own......

to those who loves n care for me, i THANK you from the bottom of my heart... to those who still hates me... i say FUCK OFF and get a life...


As long as there is GOD, there will be ANGEL..... as long as there is ANGEL.. i walk this path feeling safe and secure...

Suicide Mission which turns out well.....very well

24th of July.. a date that i will remember as long as i live.

Me and my good fren Chef Amri was asked to cook for 150 pax with the student of ITE college and the menu from the diva KAK AZIZAH.( I'm her biggest fans and I'm always dumb struck when i see her,she enters the room with an aura that makes u feels her presents)

Me and Amri came in on the 23th and assigned the kids to do the miss-en-place for Sunday and we can see that ,these kids can do the work........but

on the 24th,things goes wrong... ,we just know that these student only started school 3 months ago,we knows their experienced is very limited and than we realised...... its a suicide mission!

We just prayed and hoped everything will be just fine, we just hoped all will be OK and goes smoothly and really really hope that nothing terrible happened cos when things goes wrong, i not only failed for myself,i oso failed lots of ppl there including Kak Azizah and that's wat we dun want.....

I talked to Amri and told him that, no matter wat... we 2 have to make it happen.... we rushed,we pushed the student, we pushed our self to the limit and beyond... we both skipped lunch and dinner and stays back in the kitchen while the kids is resting....we pushed n motivated each other,and today i can proudly says and bring shame to those guys who thinks Chef Amri cant win the Chef selebriti show.....I'm showing my middle finger to u...and will tell each and everyone of u that this is a good and multi talented Chef that makes even your winner to shame.............

Working with Amri was just too good, 2 chef in the kitchen,doing wat we do best...giving advised to each other and seeking advised from one another... i could not pulled this off if they give me anyone else....and this i will remember for life....

During serviced time... we managed to get things done and we try to do it right and fast..... we have some minor outburst with each other and to the kids....but we managed.... we both have the same mentality at that point of time and we rather die trying than die sulking......

AT last we did it, ppl loves the food, the media is there,the news reporter is there..we are praised over n over again on stage and after all that,we both still managed to cleaned the kitchen.... we both almost exhausted and by looking at each other we wanted to just hug n congrats but both of us know we wont do that ......


WE GAVE A NEW MEANING TO THE WORDS........Above all challenge yourself. You may well surprise yourself at what strengths you have, what you can accomplish

Walk thru a tunnel and never saw any light...damn whers the exit!

Everybody says...when u walk thru a tunnel,u see a ray of lights ahead and there is Hope....wheres mine? Coming back from Manado really change my Career,I had few offers locally and overseas,I really wanted to go away again,but i will missed those in Singapore.I wanted to stay in Singapore but the offer given was not that attractive at all. WHAT HAPPEN ? These few months was really bad for me, i mean i been thru worse...but this is BAD enough for me. Money stops coming in,Few frens got caught up with the Law,my daughter seems drifting away,Cars that i wanted to buy was sold,had a fren who passed away in an accident and few others shit..yes babe, I'm in a pile of SHITS now.... Life have not been kind to me and never expected it to get worse,I'm digging deep inside my savings,but me being me..... i smile, i laugh and even helped others at my own personal cost! Is it time to be selfish? It is time to just think bout my own self? Is it time to say NO to ppl? Life for me was not and never about myself before... I dunno wat happen to my daughter,but she thinks those who gave her material things....loves her alot! TIA I HAVE NOTHING MUCH TO OFFER EXCEPT MY DEEPEST AND SINCERE LOVE TO U ! My family does not even know a thing bout wat I'm going thru,they still think i have tons of money in my banks and just by opening their mouth,they get it.. I JUST HOPE IT WILL BE OK SOON....IF NOT, IN TEENAGERS LANGUAGE THESE DAYS.. I SAY F.M.L( fuck my life)

Kimabajo Resort--------- memories

Grass is always greener on the other side------------its true,cos i worked in a Resort

Went away to work in Manado Indonesia,really opens up my eyes,being an expat and Chef in a far away land was never easy for anyone,we missed our family,loves ones,friends and everything .
Being away from TIA was the hardest and having to work in a different environmet was a challenge,The food,staff,lodging,gay boss and lots of nonsence from the HR Department.
I was employed to change the food and i did a pretty good job on that,guest loves the food,we had no complains and staff im with are happpy with me..BUT ,not all !

I make good frens and even got my self an adopted daughter,im happy over there and feels at home. I even have an adopted family there.

Manado is totally diffierent from here,and the good ,the bad ,and the ugly memory i will always remember...


Now im back in SG and i might consider the offers i had again from abroad..


welcome back Andri....

Im back!!!!

Last post was in june... so long i nver write or update my blog,cos im lazy. But now,im back...back to write how i feel and how am i ..

I deactivate my FB cos i think,i wanna lay low and not tell everyone how am i and what im doing..so im back to writting


Just a quck update, im in Manado Indonesia now, now more Singapore,now more Yishun... im in manado( if u dunno where,go look up for it) im not gonna spoon feed u .
Its been 2 month since i start working as an exec chef in an upmarket resort in indonesia.Still getting used to the evironment/ppl/system/and living condition... wish me luck my frens


I cant write much...cos its christmas eve.....so im damn bz lah ..


Bye

LOve from manado

Sad Clown

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a guy
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A guy is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this woman
In this guy , this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of nowhereness consumes
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained

Never Want----Never Will-----Never Happen

Its 3 am, still cant sleep as i have a container load of stuff in my head.When it comes to a relationship, i mean all my past relationship..what i want is just to be HAPPY..its spells H.A.P.P.Y ...simple right?

I hate quarreling,argument,confrontation and such.. i rather just sleep on the problem and talk bout it when all is well.No point in trashing it out while u both in a bad and angry mode,nothing will settled and it will get worse at times.

Im always a BURDEN to my partner,in terms of my financial status,I'm always a hindrance to my partner..due to my financial responsibility as a single dad and the eldest in my family,indirectly all the burden comes down to me and Andri being Andri, i will just keep quiet and obliged to every needs my family and daughter needs even to the expand of my own difficulties.I owe alot to my partner eventually and always felt small and helpless, i always felt that i cant provide enough for my self and let alone for the rest..

Someone told me, i wanna changed her to someone she is not,i wanted her to be like my ex wife(for your info,if i wan to have someone like my ex wife,i wont divorced in the first place)I'm not the kind who compared, I'm not the kind who wanna change someone to whom they are not....cos i know, i will never change for anyone except my owned..

My work is not at his best right now, i dunno y oso, my life is not at my best(or i will never be my best )sometimes.. i just felt like ending all this things and just pack and GO...or just go get caught and stay in prison for good.

BUT i cant be selfish and run, i can run but i cant hide....whatever happen ,happen for a reason... only GOD knows what and how he wants me to be in this life..whats my character,my maximum achievement and what i can do.......

i leave it to HIM to decide....ask HUMAN, we always say, from HIM we came, from HIM we will go back to.....

16 THINGS BOUT US MAN....THAN WOMAN SHOULD KNOW AND UNDERSTAND...

1) Guys may be flirting around all day, but
before they go to sleep they always think about the girl they truly care about

2) Guys are more emotional then you think if they
loved you at one point it takes them a lot longer
then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they arent with you

3) Guys go crazy over a girl's smile ( :

4) A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to

5) Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what uh...never mind....." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are
thinking and he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll
obsess about it trying to figure it out

6) If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. you don't need to give advice

7) A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

8) GUYS LOVE YOU MORE THEN YOU LOVE THEM!

9) Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use
beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a
whole heck of a lot.

10) If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl,
he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next
time he spends time with you

11) When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something

12)A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day

13)No guy can handle all his problems on his own He's just too stubborn to admit it

14)NOT ALL GUYS ARE RUDE! Just because ONE is RUDE doesn't mean he represents ALL of them

15) WHEN A GUY SACRIFICES HIS SLEEP AND HEALTH JUST TO TALK TO YOU, HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

16) Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life

Cakes of Love......

Thru out my career as a kitchen helper to chef-de-cuisine,Pastry was never my forte.I never like to do cakes,desserts,Gelato and all the sweets stuff.Im more to the oven,fire burning,grilling and creating new items kind of chef,i only do things for a reason and pastry is something i did if i have a reason to do it ..

I bake cakes,for my loves one... i present them these cakes to soften,pacify and pleased them as i feel,the sweetness of a cake will make everybody smile.I did the cakes myself and its such a complicated things to do in baking, the temperature must be right, the grammage and even the time and ingredient..1 wrong moved and its back to zero......thats y i never liked pastry..

Only 2 ladies did have the benefits to try and taste the cakes i do,only 2 of these ladies have tasted my cakes and thank me for that...I can cook anytime for anyone,but bake? its only for someone special.............

I know its selfish,but its a selfish world we are leaving in. Its either u or them,some ppl will never appreciate what we did,but than again..thats life.Some just need u at their own conveniences...and again thats what some of us are treated.

A man will lower their ego ,but not to the lowest..some man will go against their belief,but not forever.....times and time..we will be dissapointed in life,time and time again we will make others dissapointed....its a cycle which can never be broken or change....

whatever happens to us,its all fate....Life is Fated And thats how i live my life..

SEPI

malam…
ku tidur tak lena
teringatkan dirimu
terimbas kembali kenangan lalu
alangkah indahnya bersamamu

mengalir air mataku
menemani malam sepiku
ku rindu saat bersamamu
sukarnya ku untuk melupakanmu

dahulu engkau berikan cinta
mengapa kini engkau berubah
manakah janji akan setia menanti


jikalau engkau tak lagi cinta
katakan saja aku tak kisah
dari kau terus membuat ku menunggu

tak ku sangka
tak ku duga

perpisahan yang akan melanda
dah ku cuba
pertahankan
namun dirimu pergi jua

cintamu bagaikan rembulan
yang hadir bila malam menjelang
kau hilang bila siang mendatang
begitulah sikap mu oh syg

kau lontar cintaku ditepian
ku bagaikan hanyut di lautan
yang lemas di dalam percintaan
dipukul gelombang keresahan

~dahulu engkau berikan cinta
mengapa kini engkau berubah
manakah janji akan setia menanti

jikalau engkau tak lagi cinta
katakan saja aku tak kisah
dari kau terus membuat ku menunggu
tak ku sangka
tak ku duga

perpisahan yang akan melanda
dah ku cuba
pertahankan
namun dirimu pergi jua

cintamu bagaikan rembulan
yang hadir bila mlm menjelang
kau hilang bila siang mendatang
begitulah sikap mu oh syg

kau lontar cintaku ditepian
ku bagaikan hanyut di lautan
yang lemas di dalam percintaan
dipukul gelombang keresahan

mengalir air mataku
menemani mlm sepiku
ku rindu saat bersamamu
sukarnya ku untuk melupakanmu

The CALL that change my future........if i accept,should i accept?

Early morning at 8 am today, a called came in from an unfamiliar number and looking for me...duh!...

Miss or Mrs or Mdm Rebecca called and asking me if im available to come down to their office anytime soon to talk bout my job? As i was still sleeping and feeling blur, i asked her...huh? what job?

I applied for a position as a Chef-De Cuisine on a cruise liner long time back that i cant remember when oso,Now they asked me to sign a contract of 2 yrs on a luxury ship taking charge of a restaurant on board with 70 plus staff from all over the WORLD? I hope no China Man in the kitchen though..... I was of cos happy and delighted,the salary is good and in US dollar, i get to travel round the world and visit places i never go before.........THAN,when i was driving to work... I THINK!

Will i accept the job,hows my family and loves one,hows TIA especially,how will this effect me and her? will she missed me? will i missed her? what bout my parents?thers is too much at stake and to think bout if i go...and damn its for 2 solid years.... even if i go jailed for 2 years oso they can still visit me....but this?

On the other hand,if i take up this job offer, i be away for 2 years and i can slowly forget and erased the unwanted memories or event in my life,I can earn more money that i earned here and my experience will definitely widen and jobs satisfaction will be high for me....

I have bout 1 month to think it over and gives Rebecca the answer,till than, GOD please helped me make my decision cos 50% of me wanted to GO,50% of me wants me to STAY.............

IBU..... u make my day...

After a long day or work and feeling tired and sleepy, i just wanted to go home ,wash up and go to sleep...i think,thats my daily routine.Work been very stressful with me wanting to hit the company target and working with whole bunch of China workers does not gives me any benefits at all ...for now.

I slowly park the car,get a can of my usual COKE from the vending machine and waited for the lift, these days the lift takes a longer time to come down as they are renovating and 1 lift operate only.

I drag my body into the lift and go up, i unlock the gate and than the wooden door,all was dark,usually when i got home,most of them goes to bed and closed their doors except for my room,I on the light to the room and my mum as usual will clean ,mop and tidy up my room...HAHA, i know la, i should be doing all that.

To my suprised she even change the bed sheet for me, and when i saw the bedsheet, i was nearly choked by the coke and burst into a laugh,yes i laugh out loud alone in the room.....

My mother actually changed the bedsheet to a cover which i will never wanted to let ppl see ,im so freaking malu sia to see the cover and the pillow, i felt like a princess....yes u heard it right,like a princess

........................cos the bedsheet is so beatifully pink in colour,i will show u the pic,but dun laugh k..i swear to GOD i never asked my mum to buy me this bedsheet or what,maybe she got it cheap at pasar malam or perhaps my aunt gave
her....But my IBU make my day !

THIS IS MY BEDSHEET FOR THE NEXT FEW NIGHTS!!!

I Believe

I believe that the sun shines after the rain
I believe if you don't get hurt you'll never gain
I believe in not doing things the easy way
I believe that being selfish doesn’t pay

I believe in a second chance
I believe in a life long romance
I believe there is life after death
And standing up to a life of mess

I believe in love at first sight
I believe that revenge isn’t right
I believe that first impressions last
And there is nothing better then a good laugh

I believe that dreams do come true, I believe there's destiny for me and you,
I believe something good comes from something bad I believe everyone has one true love



I believe there's destiny for me and you
I believe that good things come to those who wait
I believe love never arrives too late

I believe something good comes from something bad
I believe that for tears of happiness there are tears of sad
I believe everyone has a guardian angel
And the good you do will be rewarded well

I believe sometimes there is no explanation
I believe money can't buy people's affection
I believe you don't know what you've got until it's gone
I believe a new day arrives with every dawn

I believe a smile can be contagious
I believe in being very outrageous
I believe in living with no regrets
I believe that life is as good as it gets

I believe that God watches over us
I believe the little things are worth the fuss
I believe you have each friend for a reason
I believe you will get punished for treason

I believe that what comes first is family
I believe we should all live in harmony
I believe in making the most of a beautiful day
And it's not the end until everything's okay

I believe absence makes the heart grow fonder
I believe you will lose if you sit and wonder
I believe every experience teaches you a lesson
And nothing cures better then a thinking session

I believe everyone has one true love
I believe sometimes we need a little shove
I believe the whole world is a stage
I believe we only get better with age

I believe that to learn you have to live
I believe that to love someone you have to give
I believe one moment can change your life
And there's still help when you’re in strife

I believe everyone has one true friend
I believe love helps a broken heart mend
I believe in the power of a song
And things will change before too long

I believe living is the best experience
I believe in not laughing at other people’s expense
I believe it’s hard to watch a lover leave
And when they’re gone all you can do is breath

I believe to always look on the bright side
I believe that life is just one big ride
I believe when I die people will grieve
But it’s ok even if im the only IDIOT WHO BELIEVE

Kiss from a roses!

A kiss is a kiss,but i guess each kiss means different things and gesture.....here we go

+Kiss on the stomach = Im ready
+Kiss on the Forehead ="i hope we're together forever"
+Kiss on the Ear = Your my everything
+Kiss on the Cheek = "We're friends"
+Kiss on the Hand = "I adore you"
+Kiss on the Neck = "we belong together"
+Kiss on the Shoulder = "I want you"
+Kiss on the Lips = I love you"

What the gesture means...
+Holding Hands = "we definitely love each other"
+Slap on the Butt = "That's mine"
+Holding on tight = "i don't want to let go"
+Looking into each other's Eyes = "i just plain love you"
+Playing with Hair = "Tell me you love me"
+Arms around the Waist = "I love you too much to let go"
+Laughing while Kissing = "I am completely comfortable with you"

--Advice--
+ Dont ask for a kiss, take one.
+If you were thinking about someone while reading this,
you're definitely in Love.

Give me a kisse, and to that kisse a score;
Then to that twenty, adde a hundred more;
A thousand to that hundred; so kisse on,
To make that thousand up a million;
Treble that million, and when that is done,
Let's kisse afresh, as when we first begun

Keinsafan dan Keampunan.....

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator. Forgiving seems almost unnatural. Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do. But forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule

Kata -Kata yang aku dapat dari sebuah buku yang aku baca( MCM PAHAM JE BACA BUKU)
Manusia tidak akan pernah lari dari membuat kesilapan dan kesalahan,walau kesalahan itu kecil sekalipun ianya tetap salah dan tidak harus dilakukan kepada sesiapa sekalipun,I made mistakes im just a man.
Kadang kala kita terdesak dan membuat kesilapan itu untuk menutup sesuatu kesalahan,ada juga kerana kita tidak ingin bertengkar,kita menipu dan ia juga satu kesilapan.

Dalam hidup aku ,banyak kesilapan yang kecil mahupun yang besar telah aku lakukan pada orang lain.Aku juga pernah melakukan kesilapan terhadap bekas isteriku apabila aku menjatuhkan Talak didepan mahkamah( padahal aku telah berjanji pada ayah dan ibunya aku tidak akan menjatuhkan TALAK sedang aku diijabkabulkan)

Selapas beberapa tahun,aku selalu terfikir tentang kesilapa yang aku lakukan dan cuba menjernihkan air yang kotor,aku cuba merendah diri dan meminta keampunan atas segala kesilapan aku,ternyata ada yang tidak ingin memaafkan kesilapan yang aku lakukan,ada juga yang telah mengampunkan kesilapan itu dan mereka menerima aku kembali...tetapi,layanan dan cara mereka melayan aku,jauh beza dari dulu.Aku terima hakikatnya yang aku pernah membuat kesilapan kepada mereka dan aku harus berterima kasih jika mereka sudi memaafkan diri ini,aku tidak seharusnya meminta mereka melayan aku seperti dulu dan aku harus sedar bahawa,aku bukan lagi memiliki diri mereka yang pernah aku lukai..

Masa menentukan segalanya dan masa juga dapat mengubat luka ,masa adalah satu-satunya perkara yang aku perlukan untuk memberitahu yang aku ini ikhlas untuk menebus dosa dosa silam...

Ya ALLAH, Berikan aku kekuatan untuk aku menjalani hidup ini seharian,berikan aku petunjuk untuk mengubah cara hidupku dan pemikiranku ini,berikan aku waktu untuk membuktikan segalanya...

Bagaimanakan ku mula
Dan apakah kata-kata
Yang indah untuk diabadikan
Tiap wajah berkisah
Tiap madah bererti
Manakah ilhamku

Cahaya di matamu
Senyum di bibirmu
Mengukir seribu tanda pertanyaan
Mungkinkah kau jua dalam kerinduan
Di saat begini aku merindukan

Berhelai-helai surat
Terbiar di depanku
Tak dapat aku utuskan
Ku ramas semua
Dan ku buangkan
Jauh dari pandangan

Lalu aku kesal
Ku kumpul semula
Tak dapat ku nyatakan apa yang ku rasa
Jika engkau tahu di dalam hatiku
Mungkinkah kau sahut jeritan batinku

Dengarkanlah panggilanku
Dengarkanlah lagu untukmu
Angin lalu kau sampaikan
Rasa rindu yang membara
Kepadanya

Warna-warna cintaku
Kian pudar bersama
Malam yang gelap gelita
Entahkan kau rasakan
Apa yang aku rasa
Atau kau tak endah

Tapi ku percaya
Semua telah tertulis
Dan niat suciku takkan disiakan
Dan di suatu masa
Di hari yang indah
Ku hulur tanganku
Lalu kau terima

Lagu SUATU MASA dari M.Nasir

Feeling all F*#K -UP.....

PLS SEEK PARENTAL GUIDE WHEN READING THIS BLOG..SOME CONTENT MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR UNDER 18..

ARE U 18 AND ABOVE? ___ YES ___ NO


These few weeks especially,been feeling worse and worse each day, i cant explain y it feels these ways either,maybe its my job,my life or its just me.I feel uneasy,moody and really got no mood to do things.If i have a choice, i just wanna lie down on my bed and "NUA" the whole day.
I hated this feelings,but yet again im finding n searching the reason y am i feeling so F*#k-up n SCREWED -UP...yey i cant.

I doubt its midlife crisis cos i know for sure i fucking have a long way to go till mid life crisis struck me.but y the fuck im feeling this bad? its one of the worse feeling i had since 2002 when i got seperated,i just felt fucking useless
and no words of console can make me feel better...

How i wish i was a fucking kids and dun have to worry so much, go sch( i did go to sch for a decent number of years,even though my attendance is always 50% and below) ,do homework( i have my frens to do that for me btw),go religious class( yes i did go for awhile,after that just go play soccer and tell my mum i went), puppy love( u know the time wen u fall for a girl in your class and getting so shy when your classmates n teacher tease u ) I miss all that, no worry,no problem,no troubled mind.

Now, all i do is fucking work,yes i love my job as a chef and the money is good,but i always end up broke cos i have lots of financial commitment.I have lots of frens,too many at times.I have lots of loved all around me,but i always felt empty..empty in my heart......

The fact that some ppl hated me is another reason y i feel so Fuck-up..i know im an asshole before, i might took your GF away, i might toy with gerls feelings as and when i want,but its over now.. i stopped i mean i stopped alot! BUT TO THOSE WHO TILL NOW HATED ME OR MY GUTS... I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL U...EVEN IF U HATE ME,I DUN GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE.. U KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME, SO PLEASE DUN BE A FUCKING SISSY AND HIDE BEHIND YOUR LAPTOP..... cos i had enough of these laptop warriors...its time to closed the chapter and end all this nonsence.....come and get what u want, i be happy to give ...

Life for me thesedays,is simply not that meaningful at all....shit happens,yes i know it happens at times, but shits always happen for me,thats wat i dun understand...maybe it retribution,maybe its karma maybe its just a test from GOD, whatever it is ....Its just NOT GOOD AT ALL.

On the inside it feels like no one cares and on the outside people do care,
But what I don't understand is why,
Do I feel no one cares...
I always screw up in life and mess things up...
Yet people still care...
I'm such a silly boy when it comes to my feelings...
Why is all I ask....
Do you care this much about a screw up like me?

BENCI..........

Perkataan BENCI selalu kita dengar apabila kita marah atau sudah tidak ambil endah tentang seseorang itu,haruskah kita terus membenci atau benci akan berubah ?Harus kta ambil kisah tentang sebab kita membenci orang itu,adakah wajar kita membencinya selamanya atau untuk sementara waktu sahaja?

Aku tidak pernah membenci seseorang untuk selamanya walau apa yang mereka telah atau pernah lakukan kepada diriku,mungkin aku seorang yang pemaaf kerana aku sedar,kita hanya manusia biasa dan kita belajar dari kesilapan kita itu.

Jauh itu ada jarak yang terpisah...
Jauh itu ada ruang yang memisah...
Jauh itu dua insan yang terpisah...
Jauh itu dua hati yang dipisah...
Namun jauh itu ada rindu yang tak sudah..."

"Ku benci pada siapa saja yang bertakhta di hatimu selain diriku...
Benci juga pada diri sendiri kerana berkeadaan begini
kerana jiwaku telah terlalu menyangi dirimu...
Dan aku benci pada jarak ini yang telah menimbulkan
kerinduan..."

"Tiada siapa yang tahu isi hatiku...
Dan tak akan ada yang tahu ...
Hanya TUHAN tahu isi hatiku
tapi sayang seribu kali sayang...
kau hanya tahu di kulitnya saja bukan di dalam..."


Kadang kala hidup ini,terlalu sukar untuk kita memahami tujuan dan erti penghidupan itu sendiri,sekarang baru aku mengerti mengapa mereka berkata,hidup ini cuma pinjaman semata mata,hidup ini tak akan indah dan senang selama lama,
walaupun kita bertukar tukar pasangan,kita bersuka ria dan berfoya foya...cuba tanya dengan diri kita adakah ini kebahagian? adakah ini yang kita pinta dan ada ini cara hidup yang kita idam-idamkan?

Mabuk,pergi disko,ramai kawan kawan yang ketawa dan gembira bersama....akhirnya,bila kita pulang kerumah dan bersendirian,kita akan terasa kesunyian dan ingin mengharapkan kasih sayang yang sejati..

Benci keterlaluan kadang kala akan menjadi sayang dan ini telah terbukti dalam kehidupan seharian manusia, Benci yang berlanjutan juga akan memudaratkan kita dalam masa akan datang,Benci yang kita ada selama ini akan membuat kita sedih dan bukan marah terhadap orang itu jika hidupnya lebih selesa dari pada kita...

Akhir kata

Sakitnya hati ini
Namun aku rindu
Bencinya hati ini
Tapi aku rindu


BENCI TAK AKAN MEMBUAT KITA KAYA DAN LEBIH CANTIK !.....JADI "PLEASE EH LAST WARNING" JANGAN NAK BENCI BENCI...SAYANG MANUSIA,BINATANG,POKOK-POKOK ....KERANA HANYA DENGAN SIFAT SAYANG,KITA AKAN TERSENYUM SELALU DAN GEMBIRA...

Past mistake,Present suffering,Future unknown

Like probably every fellow human being alive today, I have done things in my life that I have later regretted. Certain actions will fail to meet our own or others' standards of behaviour, and when faced with such acts, most of us will opt for one of two reactions:
1.Regretting our actions, and wishing them undone or,
2.Denying that they were wrong, or denying that it was our fault by blaming someone else, or denying that there was any lapse in the first place!
Even if we accept to the world and to ourselves that we were wrong, it is very difficult not to regret or to indulge in a spot of denial. As a species we are very adept at justifying ourselves.

I tend to engage in regret, and in the past, this has brought me to my knees, in tears, praying for things to be undone. But they cannot be undone. Should I go into denial - or blame someone else?

Having read the teachings of GOD, one of the first things I learnt of was the first Noble Truth, or path to enlightenment: that the nature of life is suffering.

By this, GOD meant that all human beings wish to experience a lasting happiness, but that no one can live a life without experiencing problems and setbacks that reduce our happiness. Happiness based on improving our external situation is therefore doomed to failure, because we will all suffer setbacks at some point. True happiness must be sought from within, not by seeking more wealth, a bigger car, a nose job, or a new partner.

If we can develop and maintain a calm and happy mind, regardless of our material situation, then we cannot be disappointed by setbacks, and so we will break the cycle of suffering. And that is where regret and denial come in.
Regret and Suffering
When we regret our past actions, or when we deny responsibility for them, or the outcome of them, we are suffering. When we blame someone else for our woes, like a boomerang the hurt flies back to us. While we are regretting and blaming and denying what has been done, we are trapped in the eternal circle of suffering.

I cannot take credit for the solution - but thinking it through, the only real answer to the question "How do we heal ourselves and move on from regret, blame and denial?" is the answer provided by GOD- to think beyond yourself and your own suffering.

I am no different from you, and you are no different from the person down the street. We all experience suffering in one way or another, and we all share certain suffering, beggar or king, we are all born, we all grow old or sicken or suffer an accident, and die. We all lose loved ones. We are all trapped in destiny, in suffering.
But there is an answer, and a way to liberate ourselves, and others, from the pain of suffering. Let go of regret. Let go of blame, and denial. Realise that everyone feels pain, and take some time to lessen, by however small a portion, the suffering of another. You may think your action will go unrewarded, or even unnoticed, but if we practise this enough, it will make a difference.

Think about it. You've had an argument with your best friend, and you're hurt and upset. He said some nasty things, and it hurts. You deny that you started it, but you may also regret harsh words spoken in anger. You are both suffering. You can both engage in regret, blame and denial, or you can extend forgiveness, bearing in mind that your friend is also suffering. So you say sorry first, and let go of the anger, the pain, and the regret. Your friend will hopefully recognise your compassion, and may be inspired to commit a similar selfless act to someone else in turn.

By letting go of your pain, you liberate yourself and others from suffering. Maybe not the first time. Maybe your altruism will go unrewarded, but stick with it - only you can make you happy, and the first step is to accept this awesome responsibility towards yourself.

By striving to live life in a spirit of responsibility towards yourself and others, your compassion will grow, and your regret and denial will become apparent for the waste of time and energy they are.

Just as no one else can be happy for you, no one else can be responsible for taking away your unhappiness, your regret, your suffering, your LIFE.

BUT......HOW MANY OF US CAN GO THRU IT?

GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN!

From our thoughts to our memories,
From our days to our nights.
From the east to the west,
From my love that I write.

From the sadness we shed when you went away,
But in our hearts and minds you will forever stay.

We speak in our dreams, but don't say a word.
Life means everything, even to a little bird.


Tearful eyes gazed in sadness,
Lowering you in to a hole of blackness.

Shutting out the light that you're never to see,
R.I.P. Andrew you mean everything to ME.

Yishun Secondary sch...is the place we met, he was a new student being transferred and i was the fist boy talking to him and mixed him with the rest of my friends.We stay nearby each so we went to sch together.Andrew is a notty boy in sch(so am i) so we clicked well and every time we have problem in sch with other boys or Principal, i oso have the same things .... we got caned together, got caught for smoking together,misbehaviour and lots more...One day , we did a Vanilla ICE haircut and got caught by the Disciplined Master, we were asked to shaved the side of our hair and OMG we look damn stupid....

Despite his behaviour,He is good in Graffiti Drawing.... WE were best of friends till we ended sch .

I met him again,wen he was in NS and he was at his worse point of life,at that time, i only tell him ...bro, u got to wake up !

Recently i met him with his Gf on the train and yes, i see the Andrew i know, the smile,the way he talked and his behaviour.He changed, he changed alot and i think its his GF that makes him change,Thanks Mitchelle

BUT.......few days back, i met him ,this time he lies quietly in a coffin,a good fren and a good man have left all his loved ones behind, i talked to the mum, i talk to the GF and some mutual friends that we had at the funeral..all happy to see each other but together we mourn for Him.....

A good hearted guy just left, and lots of broken heart to heal...Buddy,I'm sorry i didn't have the guts to see u in your coffin, I WANNA REMEMBER U AS HOW I DID LAST TIME AND NOT DURING U LIE DOWN IN YOUR COFFIN....

Pls God if u hear my pray,put him to a place where he will be happy and blessed his souls...if i can ever turn back the time,i will always be hanging out with him and we will guide each other along the way ....now all left is a memory, a memory which hurt me every time i look at his pic...... Andrew,if u hear what i say bro,look at how many of us felt sad when u left,look at how many of us wish u were here......

Another blow...........

Ships in ocean will always get hit by waves ,big or small........Its like 5.30 am when i feel like writing, nvr had a good sleep since just now,woke up a few times and turning n tossing away......

Ships that I'm sailing been rock by the same wave ,over n over again . the wave will come and try to knock the ship over.... I'm tired or steering away, I'm tired of trying to run away from the wave and I'm damn tired of being hopeless...

My jobs sucks.... what i need is just a smooth time in life, i dun need argument, i dun need confrontation and i certainly dun need any mother fu%@er to messed up my life again,How long can a man take it till he snap? how long can i take it till i snap... i try my best to be a BETTER MAN, I'm trying my best to be a person i wanna be,,,but times n times again, i been challenge to a fight, a fight which i know i can never win if i confronted them... so basically is L.P.P.L( lam pa pa lan) for me...

Got a shocking sms at bout 8 plus regarding a message sent in FB, i was working when i got this sms...cant reply cos i was bz cooking,it took me sometimes to return the call and look at the SMS send....I call and talk awhile and realised its bout not being honest bout some gerls...gosh.... I have always have this issues popping up when everything seems fine for me...sure somethings pop up again,somehow it really damn frustrating ...Y THE HELL DO I ALWAYS HAVE PROBLEM WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Is it because of my friendliness,my behaviour,my way of talking or wat? I'M really damn tired with all these crap and please let dun let me be like this over and over again....
I apologised for my past action, i seek forgiveness for my past action...what else do they need me to do? kneel in front of them?

Just let the past go and moved on in life, y the hatred? it wont makes u a better or rich person.........

Buatmu Ibu

Adanya mereka kadangkala kita ambil sambil lewa,tapi mereka adalah segalanya!


"Ibu bergenang air mataku
Terbayang wajahmu yang redup sayu
Kudusnya kasih yang engkau hamparkan
Bagaikan laut yang tak bertepian

Biarpun kepahitan telah engkau rasakan
Tak pula kau merasa jemu
Mengasuh dan mendidik kami semua anakmu
Dari kecil hingga dewasa

Hidupmu kau korbankan
Biarpun dirimu yang telah terkorban
Tak dapat kubalasi akan semua ini
Semoga Tuhan memberkati kehidupanmu ibu

Ibu kau ampunilah dosaku
Andainya pernah menghiris hatimu
Restumu yang amatlah aku harapkan
Kerana disitu letak syurgaku

Tabahnya melayani kenakalan anakmu
Mengajarku erti kesabaran
Kau bagai pelita di kala aku kegelapan
Menyuluh jalan kehidupan

Kasihanilah Tuhan ibu yang telah melahirkan diriku
Bagaikan kasih ibu sewaktu kecilku
Moga bahgia ibu di dunia dan di akhirat sana...

Kasih sayangmu sungguh bernilai
Itulah harta yang engkau berikan
Ibu... dengarlah rintih hatiku untukmu ibu"

He SUED the HOUSE OF GOD?

The story came out on 10th Feb 2010.. a taxi driver sued the mosque cos he slipped and fell in the mosque after Friday prayer......

MOSQUE is consider a place or worship, a HOUSE OF GOD..wen we donate a sums of money to the mosque,we got blessing as long as the MOSQUE is still being used for prayer..

A taxi driver went to do his Friday prayer and slip while going home ,and he sued$15,000 for his injury,he got a fractured wrist and had 2 metal plate inserted ,I was shocked to see the write up and even if he got the money , will he be happy? unless....he donated the money back to the mosque and tells them to have more safety equipment as to avoid another incident like this to happen.....this i will applaud his action and wish him all the best ...

..........................But wat if this is just a reminder, a small test or even a sin he have to repay in life? maybe he GOD wanted to test him, or even punish him for his Sins,,,, we never know...

ONLY GOD knows...............

Dr not jailed for drink driving....y?

She was sentenced to 2 weeks jailed and court of appeal gave her the maximum fine of $5k and banned her from driving for 4 yrs......Y?

I always thought the statue of the blindfold woman holding the weighing scales was the highlight in courts....but i guess,its still money,fame and name than can make someone escaped the law, this woman was not jailed after her appeal,

And the law say , they take seriously on drink driving, she gave reason that her aunt is in hospital and she rushing down to see her....KNS.....got so many taxi in SG for what? for fun is it?

Just because she have money,fame ,she can escape jailed term...what if the person caught is just another ordinary person and the judged already sentenced us to jailed? u think we can appeal? ya...wait long long ...

Haix.....its still the case of, when u r someone known and rich in SG ......u can get away with crime.......

: Permintaan Terakhir dari penjara

When someone get sentenced to prison,one of the things that worry them is whether their other half will wait for them or not,will she stray or not.Usually the other half wont wait if the sentence is more than a yr...but some do wait.

Waiting for letter is one things prisoners will always wait, if the letters comes constantly, we know we are being remembered...reading is a fav past time too

This is a song i heard before from a prisoner waiting for a death row........... its touching. . . the song can be found in YouTube

lagu sedih seorang banduan

Bertahun sudah ku menunggu dirimu
akhirnya kau menjadi milikku
sukarnya untuk ku melupakan mu
kerna kau ku cintai selalu..

Tapi sayang
kehadiran kekasih lama mu..
datang kembali mengenang cinta dahulu..

mengapa ini semua harus berlaku..
apakah ini semua kerna diriku..
sedangkan aku cuma watak dalam percintaan..
tak sanggup aku melepaskan mu…

Kau ibarat terperangkap di tengah lautan…
tak tahu mana arah untuk kau menuju…

Andai kau pinta untuk melepaskan mu…
terpaksa aku turutkan….
Mungkinkah ini suatu pengajaran
di dalam percintaan………….."

CHEF SELEBRITI

The year is 2007.... the first time ever SURIA is looking for a CHEF which can cook and host...was invited to participate and was happy and glad that few of my friends is oso in it...from 250 chef they chose 30 to take part in the mass cooking competition held in COURTS tampinese... along with other hopeful chef, i went down and took part.. weather was hot, I did not inform anybody that I'm going there and as usual, i be all alone.

The sat event was good, we are supposed to create a dish from the simplest things that u can find in the market...MAGGIE MEE...Some chef look blur while others was thinking on the flavour to take and what to cook... i did what i have to do and some chef even complaint bout having to cook MAGGIE( to them its degrading to even asked them to cook it) I tell them BALLS to U ...as a chef , u just cook whatever is given to you and make the best out of it, i always believe in 3 things,COLOUR,TEXTURE and TASTE!

I was judge by few judges and they asked question bout my food,some chef really sucks at their imagination and they just cook normally like how ppl will cook at home..DUH!

The next day, we were told to come back and that's when the chosen 10 supposed to be announced...10 chef is on the stage and the so called CREATIVE DIRECTOR called for a drama meeting and choose 2 more chef ...that means 12 of us.....

We go home pack our things and will embark on a 2 month unpaid leave just to be in the reality show,we supposed to host /sleep/and cook at the same times.... few of the chef is from well known restaurant and some are just beginners...

Every week ,1 chef is kicked out and it continue till the last chef standing .... the 5 last chef is CHEF MUSTAKIM aka THE DIVA, CHEF ALFIE aka LUCKY BOI ,CHEF KHALED aka FAV.BOI,CHEF AMRI aka THE PRINCIPAL and CHEF ANDRI aka THE BAD BOI....I always had been label the BAD one i dunno y ......maybe its their perception...

The 5 of us is the longest staying chef and we been thru alot together, we laugh,we cry ,we sleep,we eat and we talk alot......Out of the 5 , 3 chef get so closed together that we are name THE TRIPLE A"s ( i dun have to say who right)

Chef amri.....is someone ,mothers loves to marry their daughter to, he respect the elderly, love his parents and very very talented chef

Chef alfie...... got his training from yellow ribbon project and have a lucky star with him every time when u think he is losing, he is the God father of the house...

Chef andri..... ya ya, the sensitive,crying but talented chef

The 3 of us clique so well that we are like brothers till now, after the show we still hang out and meet . During the show, we learned first hand encounter that television is a damn dirty industry...u can rise and die in an instant... how Malay wanna go forward when most of them are just purely puppets? we learn that a burn food will still look nice on TV,Judges are merely scapegoat and we all look like we gain extra pound in TV.....

Everybody thought that Mustakim or Amri will win these show...but than again.....its up to the Creative Director to say who is the winner..I swear to GOD its true..

Alfie and i was voted out during the 9 episode and we knew its coming since episode 3...we may look stupid....but we are not, we just playing along for goodness sake....y they keep us there till the last episode is just because...they had no reason to vote us out and with us, the storyline is more interesting ....

We became an instant celebrity after that , at first yes i admit, its nice to be recognised ..but after awhile..i realised...its not cool at all.. our moved are being watched, we r being judge and we cant do things we like anymore......

Chef Selebriti crazed have died down, I'm glad I'm in it cos at least Tia can see me over and over again in TV... I made some good friends and i do hope they are doing well ...

lastly...y i joined the show is because.....ITS NOT THE FAME THAT I SEEK,ITS THE AWARENESS I CREATED.....that Singapore do have good chef around and not just talking chef that elected himself to be a PRESIDENT of a certain chef association..SG do have reliable chef that's is passionate bout Wat we do and cook.......