Sad Clown

Silence builds an awful wreckage of a guy
It feeds on loneliness and creates a void
Gray shadows haunt and torment and torture
A guy is stricken and destroyed

There is no sound of laughter or happiness here
The little one has thrown in the towel today
Somber, melancholy moods decay the soul
It is futile to hope and dream and pray

Emptiness builds a home in this woman
In this guy , this child where hollows have bred
A deepening sea of nowhereness consumes
And eats away at every connecting thread

Confusion feeds like a savage inside her,
Leaving nothing considered worthy remains
Destined to walk through life less ordinary
Alone, exiled, different and disdained

Never Want----Never Will-----Never Happen

Its 3 am, still cant sleep as i have a container load of stuff in my head.When it comes to a relationship, i mean all my past relationship..what i want is just to be HAPPY..its spells H.A.P.P.Y ...simple right?

I hate quarreling,argument,confrontation and such.. i rather just sleep on the problem and talk bout it when all is well.No point in trashing it out while u both in a bad and angry mode,nothing will settled and it will get worse at times.

Im always a BURDEN to my partner,in terms of my financial status,I'm always a hindrance to my partner..due to my financial responsibility as a single dad and the eldest in my family,indirectly all the burden comes down to me and Andri being Andri, i will just keep quiet and obliged to every needs my family and daughter needs even to the expand of my own difficulties.I owe alot to my partner eventually and always felt small and helpless, i always felt that i cant provide enough for my self and let alone for the rest..

Someone told me, i wanna changed her to someone she is not,i wanted her to be like my ex wife(for your info,if i wan to have someone like my ex wife,i wont divorced in the first place)I'm not the kind who compared, I'm not the kind who wanna change someone to whom they are not....cos i know, i will never change for anyone except my owned..

My work is not at his best right now, i dunno y oso, my life is not at my best(or i will never be my best )sometimes.. i just felt like ending all this things and just pack and GO...or just go get caught and stay in prison for good.

BUT i cant be selfish and run, i can run but i cant hide....whatever happen ,happen for a reason... only GOD knows what and how he wants me to be in this life..whats my character,my maximum achievement and what i can do.......

i leave it to HIM to decide....ask HUMAN, we always say, from HIM we came, from HIM we will go back to.....