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These few weeks especially,been feeling worse and worse each day, i cant explain y it feels these ways either,maybe its my job,my life or its just me.I feel uneasy,moody and really got no mood to do things.If i have a choice, i just wanna lie down on my bed and "NUA" the whole day.
I hated this feelings,but yet again im finding n searching the reason y am i feeling so F*#k-up n SCREWED -UP...yey i cant.
I doubt its midlife crisis cos i know for sure i fucking have a long way to go till mid life crisis struck me.but y the fuck im feeling this bad? its one of the worse feeling i had since 2002 when i got seperated,i just felt fucking useless
and no words of console can make me feel better...
How i wish i was a fucking kids and dun have to worry so much, go sch( i did go to sch for a decent number of years,even though my attendance is always 50% and below) ,do homework( i have my frens to do that for me btw),go religious class( yes i did go for awhile,after that just go play soccer and tell my mum i went), puppy love( u know the time wen u fall for a girl in your class and getting so shy when your classmates n teacher tease u ) I miss all that, no worry,no problem,no troubled mind.
Now, all i do is fucking work,yes i love my job as a chef and the money is good,but i always end up broke cos i have lots of financial commitment.I have lots of frens,too many at times.I have lots of loved all around me,but i always felt empty..empty in my heart......
The fact that some ppl hated me is another reason y i feel so Fuck-up..i know im an asshole before, i might took your GF away, i might toy with gerls feelings as and when i want,but its over now.. i stopped i mean i stopped alot! BUT TO THOSE WHO TILL NOW HATED ME OR MY GUTS... I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL U...EVEN IF U HATE ME,I DUN GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE.. U KNOW WHERE TO FIND ME, SO PLEASE DUN BE A FUCKING SISSY AND HIDE BEHIND YOUR LAPTOP..... cos i had enough of these laptop warriors...its time to closed the chapter and end all this nonsence.....come and get what u want, i be happy to give ...
Life for me thesedays,is simply not that meaningful at all....shit happens,yes i know it happens at times, but shits always happen for me,thats wat i dun understand...maybe it retribution,maybe its karma maybe its just a test from GOD, whatever it is ....Its just NOT GOOD AT ALL.
On the inside it feels like no one cares and on the outside people do care,
But what I don't understand is why,
Do I feel no one cares...
I always screw up in life and mess things up...
Yet people still care...
I'm such a silly boy when it comes to my feelings...
Why is all I ask....
Do you care this much about a screw up like me?
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2 comments:
heartfelt post. it's when you hit th bottom that's where you ve got no choice but to find every possible strength to rise up again.
you ve probably been sincere and an inspiration to your friends out there, you deserve th care and concern, do not doubt. you re not as incorrigible as you think you are.
after been thru so much, to protect yourself, do not get yourself emotionally attached to anyone. love yourself more Andri x)
andri its called life. people do care...you just got to open your eyes...
Cheers ^>^ and ps, i love your bedsheet..hahahaha!
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